Today you will see something green, and something pink. They do not go together!!! The planet Uranus indicates that if you ever wear something green and pink in one outfit, one ear will turn blue, one tooth will turn black, and your eyes will turn yellowish red.

*Note- if you are blind, just make sure you know who is dressing you...

Your love life: The next male or female thing you view or come in contact with within the next five minutes (besides your mom, dad, bro, sister, or miscellaneous pets) will be your eternal true love. It has to be someone of the OPPISITE sex.  She/he may not love you, however, and if this is the case, just be a monk or something.

Luck: DO NOT do the following things for the rest of your life: walk under a ladder, eat nachos, paint something red, kiss a frog, go near a black cat, kill anything that is alive, open an umbrella indoors, break a mirror, spill salt, spill pepper, spill sugar, spill anything, step in animal waste, turn on a lamp, take a shower, drink milk, get shots, hear a bird sing, look at a picture, clip your nails, trip, fall, hit anyone, come within a ten mile radius of a human (you don't wash anymore), and most importantly, listen to everything I say!!!

DO the following things: eat sea scum, run with ten pointy objects.

If you follow these instructions for the rest of your days, you will have good luck!

At work: dont work- be a hermit, grow a beard.

Life motto to follow: Do whatever your horoscope tells you!!!!! hahahahahahaha